Thursday, January 01, 2009

The First Annual "Garters"

Since the year just came to a close, I'd like to honor a few worthy recipients with the first annual "Garter Awards", or "Garters" for short. Here they are:

The "Endangered Species" Award: To the Wasp, who's just had not one but two versions of herself (regular and Ultimate) killed off in the last few weeks. No wonder the Marvel Adventures Janet Van Dyne wisely insists on calling herself "Giant Girl".

The "What If They Held A Crossover And Nobody Came?" Award: To "Final Crisis". Considering the plot of this "event" is Darkseid completely dominating Earth, we've seen little or no tie-in to it from the rest of the DC books. Geez, even some of the books with "Final Crisis" in their title don't tie back to the main "Final Crisis" mini.

The "Why Do All Good Things Come To An End?" Award: To Birds of Prey, Blue Beetle, The Order, Manhunter, and Nightwing. Also, in the TV division, "Eli Stone" and "My Own Worst Enemy".

The "What Have You Done To My Childhood?" Award: To Teen Titans#62, for providing us with this tender scene between old "Superfriends" stalwarts Wendy, Marvin, and Wonder Dog.

The "If It's Fixed, Don't Break It" Award: To Jim Starlin for "Hawkman Special#1". Here's a character whose past history was a complete clusterfuck until it was neatly tied together by Geoff Johns a few years back, and along comes Starlin to make it a clusterfuck again. What's the matter, Jim? Donna Troy wasn't available to you?

The "Law Of Diminishing Returns" Award: Comic book deaths. The "body count" this year has been astounding. In addition to the aforementioned Wasp and Marvin, we've had Martian Manhunter, Rond Vidar, RJ Brande, Jonathan Kent, Zor-El, and many other classic characters bite the dust. And that's just over the last few months. A classic character being killed off once in a blue moon for impact is one thing, but DC and Marvel have gone to this particular well so often in this past year alone that it's run dry. I should have had a bigger reaction to the death of Superman's stepdad than "Meh." In fact, if Geoff Johns really wanted to shock us at the end of the story, he should have had Jonathan get up and say "I'm OK!".

And in the "Real Life" category:

The "Last Time I Saw Balls This Big, They Were Rolling Through The Jungle Chasing Indiana Jones" Award: To Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, for having the arrogance of using the vacated Senate seat of the most high-profile man in America as his personal "Get Rich Quick" scheme. Apparently his hair has grown too big and crushed his brain.


At 7:08 AM , Blogger SallyP said...

Excellent choices, all. There has been WAY too much death and dismemberment this past year. It's as though Marvel and DC are trying to outdo themselves in a competetion of grossness.

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