Warning: SOPA, Canadian-Style!

Aw crap, here we go again. Just when you thought open internet was safe...

I found out about this from Ragnell's tumblr:

 CANADA IS PASSING A SOPA COPY IN 14 DAYS. EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT CANADIAN, REBLOG SO OTHERS CAN SEE THIS....


Here's the attached letter if you're Canadian. Reblog this if you're an American.

The Hostess Fruit Pie Ad That Proved Greg Pak Wrong (And Brian Snell Right)

There are two schools of thought regarding civilian casualties in the Hulk's rampages:

1. Former Hulk writer Greg Pak contends that Bruce Banner's mind influences the Hulk sufficiently that he subconsciously calculates the contingencies and guides the Hulk to avoid civilian casualties. Consequently, according to Pak, unless the Hulk has been controlled by outside forces, or Banner's mind has been removed, no one has ever died from any of the Hulk's rampages.

And....

2. Fellow comics blogger Brian Snell contends that Pak's contention is complete horse hockey.

Which one is right? Well, in the course of my quarter bin diving, I may have at long last resolved this argument by unearthing a crucial piece of evidence, with the help of.....Hostess Fruit Pies!

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you:



These guys are terrorizing the town? Seriously??? They look like they could be taken out by two guys with a really long rope.


People, there are plenty of neighborhoods here in Chicago where we WISH this was the extent of the gang problem.

They can't buy Hostess Fruit Pies? The horror! THE HORROR!

"You punks stay off Hulk's lawn!"

Ok, now let's watch how Bruce Banner's brilliant subconscious mind works to calculate the complex mathematics and spare human lives...

....by rolling them up inside a ton of asphalt, thus either killing them by crushing their bodies and/or suffocating them, or crippling them for life. (And I don't even want to think about Yellow Shirt's spine there!)


Not only that, but in the next panel he's also sitting on the Asphalt Ding-Dong Roll Of Death (clever product placement there, Hostess!), thereby adding another 1,040 pounds (look it up!) to its already-crushing weight.


Not that it matters to the little pie junkies over there...

"Now we can get all the Hostess Fruit Pies we want!" Another victory for Type 2 Diabetes! Yay!

"Why can't humans be nice", Jade-Jaws? Dude, you just stone-cold killed and crippled a bunch of guys just for playing their radios too loud!

Sorry, Greg Pak, but I'm afraid I have to side with Snell on this one.

Friday Night Fights: Marvelous - Round 10: Why Tony Stark DOESN'T Like Ike!

For tonight's round of Friday Night Fights: Marvelous, I'm showcasing a battle royale between Iron Man and former President Dwight D. Eisenhower.


No, REALLY!

This unlikely presidential pounding comes courtesy of Strange Tales#2, in a story written and drawn by Tony Millionaire.


I picked a special fight song tonight in honor of one of the Presidents of the United States of America pounding lumps on our Armored Avenger. (Hint, hint!)


For more inaugural ass-kickings, click here. And don't forget to exercise your right to vote!


Ike wouldn't like that!

Friday Night Fights: Marvelous - Round 9: Puck You!

Tonight's round of Friday Night Fights: Marvelous will teach you an important lesson: It's the little guys you've gotta watch out for.

In this case, the little guy in question is Eugene Judd aka Puck from the Canadian super-team Alpha Flight.



Synopsis: It's a typical afternoon at Corky's Tavern and Mary, the waitress, has her hands full dealing with some obnoxious and "grabby" customers.

Unfortunately for the Gropey Hand Gang there, the bouncer at Corky's also happens to be the aforementioned Puck.

Mr. Judd intervenes, but the punks don't exactly take him seriously.

BIG mistake!

Grabby Guy#2 doesn't take the hint from what happened to Grabby Guy#1, and....

...POW!!!


The above barroom brawl comes from 1983's Alpha Flight#1, written and drawn by Puck's equally feisty fellow Canadian, John Byrne. In honor of the valuable lesson Puck taught those two doofuses, tonight's fight song is this classic by The Georgia Satellites.


For more scaled-down smackdowns, click here. And don't forget to vote.


Now get the Puck out of here!

A Special SOPA/PIPA "Public Announcements"

***ATTENTION, EVERYONE WHO VALUES A FREE AND OPEN INTERNET! ***

Please take the time to read this post from the Electronic Frontier Foundation about the dangers the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) and the PROTECT IP Act (PIPA) pose to internet freedom.

This bill may be the greatest threat to internet freedom that you've never heard of. That's because all the major television networks have come out in favor of SOPA and PIPA and have all but blacked out coverage and discussion. Even MSNBC supports this bill, and as far as I know, Chris Hayes' show is the only MSNBC program I've seen even discuss it.


How could this affect your internet viewing? Look no further than this very blog. Take "Friday Night Fights", for example. My posts and those of the other "Fighters" are predominantly based on DC and Marvel scans, and DC and Marvel both support SOPA/PIPA. If they pass, they could potentially block all our sites for posting scans of their books.


Granted, I understand the online piracy problem and the need to fight it. But these bills are the legislative equivalent of bringing armed 50-megaton atomic bombs to a gunfight. They're like blowing up an entire neighborhood to stop a rash of burglaries in that neighborhood.


Support for this bill hasn't lined up along the usual partisan divides, either. Al Franken (D), for example, is in favor of SOPA, while Darrell Issa (R) is fighting vigorously against it. This time I'm actually on Issa's side.


At present, the Senate is going full speed ahead with PIPA, while the House is temporary shelving SOPA. However, without our vigilance, either of these bills could quietly pass in the dead of night. The White House has come out against both SOPA and PIPA. On the other hand, they also originally came out against the NDAA, and we know how THAT turned out.


It's up to us.


Read the info provided in the link above. Then call your Congresspeople and let them know you will not stand for it.


Constant vigilance is the price we pay for freedom. That goes for the internet, too.

A Special Captain America "Public Announcements"

I was a little late in hearing about this, but after reading about this on David Brothers' blog (via Kalinara's and Ragnell's blogs), my blood is boiling so much that I NEED to address this.


*** ATTENTION, WARREN ELLIS, MARVEL COMICS, AND ALL THOSE ASSOCIATED WITH SECRET AVENGERS#21! *** 


 Judging by the scene in last week's Secret Avengers#21......



...and especially this panel....

..it's very clear that you are operating under some serious misconceptions about Captain America, heroes, torture, and, well, a lot of things.


So let me enlighten you:


1. Captain America does not condone torture. Torture is one of the most brutal and barbaric crimes in our society. We're not talking mere "Batman dangling a crook from a roof" interrogation; we're talking actual torture. And there's no way in hell Captain America would just stand by and let it happen, let alone order it.


2. Steve Rogers is STILL Captain America, even without his costume. The most common defense of this scene was that Steve wasn't officially Captain America here. Bullshit. It doesn't matter if he's wearing a SHIELD outfit, or a Punisher costume, or even a goddamn clown suit. Steve IS Captain America.


3. Captain America is supposed to represent what America SHOULD BE, not what America IS.
Yes, I know that torture has been one of our country's dirty little secrets that's just been more exposed in recent years. But that doesn't make it right, or what America should stand for. And the whole idea of Captain America is to represent America's ideals, not its dirty reality.


4. Torture isn't as glamorous or effective as you think. Blame the "24" TV show for this common misconception, with all those scenes of Jack Bauer torturing the bad guys to get the vital info he needs to save L.A. from blowing up, or whatever dire catastrophe it is. That's fiction. The reality is that much of the info gained from torture is bad info. Reports showed that the finding of Osama bin Laden may have actually been delayed because of the garbage information gained from using "enhanced interrogation" techniques. Even James Robinson's awful "Cry For Justice" showed the heroes essentially getting nowhere after torturing bad guys for 3 issues. Torture is much more effective in getting the target to give you bad info that you may want to hear just to fulfill your agenda (i.e. "The Iraquis are enriching Uranium").


4. If you say you don't condone torture and then let someone else torture without lifting a hand to stop them, you're STILL CONDONING TORTURE. You can say you're not condoning it until your voice gives out, but if you're content to sit back and let it happen, even if you leave the room, you're fucking condoning it. It's just that simple.


5. Captain America is NOT a fucking coward. Even if he were resigned to the fact that torture was the only solution, he would NOT leave the room and let others do it in his absence. He would force himself to watch it and oversee it, even if for no other reason than to reinforce that it must not happen again.


He doesn't do this:

In Mild, Half-Assed Defense Of Tim Tebow

It's Tebow Time. For this blog, that is.


Since Tim Tebow and his in-your-face style of Christianity holy-rolled their way into the national spotlight, he's been been a lightning rod for both great praise and great criticism.


I certainly don't get the "praise" part. Frankly, Tebow just isn't all that as a quarterback. Sure, he's had some great last-quarter saves, and he fared particularly well against quarterback/douchebag Ben Roethlisberger and his Steelers, but let's face it: He's nowhere near the same class as someone like Tom Brady or Drew Brees. If and when Brady and his New England Patriots beat Tebow and his Broncos this weekend, it may be a shock to the system of Tebow's more evangelical followers, but it'll be about as traumatic and faith-shattering to me as the sun rising in the morning.


 As far as Tebow's style of expressing his faith is concerned, I understand all the complaints and even agree with many of them. First and foremost among them are two points touched upon here by Bill Press.


Here's the first point Press makes:


Jesus said a lot of strong things. But one of the strongest things he ever said was: When you pray, don’t be like those hypocrites who like to stand on a street corner and pray, so everybody can see them.


Somebody ought to tell that to Tim Tebow.


Fair point. He follows that up with an even fairer one:


Now, if you’re one of the silly millions of Americans who loves Tebow’s in-your-face kind of Christianity, consider this. What if he were a devout Muslim, who bowed to Mecca after every touchdown and shouted “Allahu Akbar?”


Somehow, I don’t think we’d be celebrating him as a national hero.


Both of Press's points are right on the mark. While I'm a practicing Christian, all that evangelizing just isn't my thing. That "hypocrites" quote is one of Jesus' signature lines. I've heard that one so often at my church services I've all but memorized it. And I agree wholeheartedly with it. And I've already ranted recently about the double-standards Muslim-Americans face when expressing and practicing their faith, or even existing, for that matter. If Tebow did frequently praise Allah and Mohammed in lieu of God and Jesus, or if he put Quran passage numbers on his face instead of ones from the Bible, would these same evangelical supporters still idolize him...or run him out of town on a rail?


Also, attributing his success to divine intervention because of his faith is troublesome on many levels. It ignores the contributions of the other Broncos, for starters. It also ignores players on the other side of the scrimmage line who may be just as devout. Worst of all, it reduces God (or Allah, or whomever) to an entity petty enough to exert undue influence over sports outcomes. It was bad enough when they revealed the Cigarette-Smoking Man doing that on "X-Files"!


And one final complaint: It's not "Tebowing". It's GENUFLECTING, dammit!


But while I can't get behind all the mountains of praise his supporters throw his way, I can't generate too much emnity toward him, either.


For starters, if you're looking at sports figures to idolize and emulate, you could do much, MUCH worse than Tebow. Like Roethlisberger. Or Joe "Mr. Follow-Through" Paterno. Or Sam Hurd.


Also, it's true that all the in-your-face evangelizing, both from Tebow and his rabid fanbase, gets downright annoying. On the other hand, the "religion has done nothing but harm and if you follow any organized religion, you're a complete fucking moron" talk espoused by the likes of Bill Maher, the late Christopher Hitchens, and many commenters on the internet? Just as annoying. And no, I'm not being some thin-skinned Christian who can't take any criticism of his faith -- one of my favorite comedians is John Fugelsang, who levels criticism at it all the time. Frankly, it NEEDS some criticism sometimes. It's just that Fugelsang, unlike Maher, doesn't stoop to condescension and sometimes even outright bigotry when doing so. Maher's also one of my favorite comedians-- except when he talks religion.


It's also important not to fall prey to the temptation to lay all frustration with the collective sins of evangelical Christianity, Christianity in general, and even religion in general on Tebow's doorstep. Even the rampant "Tebow-Mania" is primarily a product of the media and his rabid legion of fans, not Tebow himself. And let's just say that Christianity doesn't always put its best foot forward. Have you seen the GOP presidential field? It's filled with so-called Christians like Rick Perry, Newt Gingrich, and Rick Santorum (Google him!) who profess their love of Jesus but somehow manage to completely ignore "whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me", which was ANOTHER of Jesus' signature phrases. Let's face it: Too many people in the world use their religious beliefs as carte blanche to mistreat their fellow human beings, especially women and members of the LGBT community. But it's not fair to lay that all on Tebow. He's just an NFL quarterback, and an average one at that.


Whether you're a Tebow supporter or a detractor, the best advice I can suggest is to look past your pro- or anti- religious beliefs and biases and just see Tebow for what he is:


A second-rate Bobby Douglass.