Saturday, August 11, 2012

Loading Up On Karb, Part 3: Let's Hope Brad Meltzer Never Read THIS Story!

Aaand it's time for the third and final installment of "Loading Up On Karb", this week's analysis of obscure 70's Superman foe Karb-Brak. (See Part 1 and Part 2.)

When last we looked at Karb-Brak, he was in the final stages of his fatal Superman allergy, during which he was literally kicking the Man of Steel's ass.

But before he can finish the job...

OK, Karb's dead. End of story, right?

Of course not! This is a Cary Bates tale, after all!

If this story wasn't set in 1976, I'd guess that Kal-El watched "Flatliners" a few too many times.

Uh, Supes? Just because it can happen DOESN'T mean it's guaranteed to happen every time! And even if it did, that's just Earth patients. In case you didn't notice, Karb-Brak isn't from Earth.

Then, again: Bronze Age Comic Book Science + Cary Bates StoryAaah, Screw It, Let's Just Roll With It!

The result?

Gosh, I wonder who the narrator could possibly mean by that?

Yep, it's our old pal, Andrew Meda.

So, it looks like you did some nice work here, Clark. Saving the life of a dying alien, earning not only his good will but possibly the good will of his entire Andromedan race, all of whom have Kryptonian-level powers and futuristic tech like the Psi-Machine. You done good, Supes....


...except I notice Andrew seems to be ignoring you here. He knows your secret identity and how you saved him and alleviated his fever, right?


*Sigh* There's more, isn't there, Clark?

Wait, WHAT???

No, that can't be right. Let's take a closer look at that again...


*Sigh* As long as I'm copping so much of Snell's act for these "Karb" posts anyway....

....I might as well go all in.

So Supienot satisfied with merely saving Karb-Brak and taking away his entire reason for trying to kill/banish him, also feels the need to take that extra step by erasing Karb-Brak's entire memory of his Andromedan existence AND reprogramming him with a new fabricated Earthling history, all for no apparent reason whatsoever.

Our hero, ladies and gentlemen!

Seriously, Supes, did you even consult Karb before playing God with his life? Did you stop and think that maybe he wanted to retain some of those alien memories? That maybe he wanted to remember his Andromedan childhood, or his memories of long-lost Andromedan friends and relatives, or even the first time he made sweet Andromedan love to his beloved Andromedan girlfriend? Did you consider that maybe he treasured those memories?

And who's to say that Brak would even be stuck on Earth permanently? Who knows? Maybe he could be completely cured of his allergy in the future by someone like, oh, I don't know...

...this guy?

(Hint: That last scenario actually happened.)

Also, this whole plan is predicated on Karb's Andromedan doctors having the follow-up skills of Joe Paterno. What, they wouldn't try to keep track of their exiled patient's progress? And once they found out about your shenanagans, wouldn't they be kind of.....pissed? And is risking pissing off an entire race with Kryptonian-type powers and way-more-advanced-than-Earth tech really a good idea?

Hell, Clark, I'm just hoping Brad MeltzerDan DiDio, or Scott Lobdell never read this story.


At 4:14 PM , Blogger Martin Gray said...

Ha, I thought that was a happy ending, Karb-Brak is cured and can live a quiet life as an Earthman. But not being 12, I can now see one or two of those problems you mention. Good work!

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