Saturday, January 28, 2012

The Hostess Fruit Pie Ad That Proved Greg Pak Wrong (And Brian Snell Right)

There are two schools of thought regarding civilian casualties in the Hulk's rampages:



1. Former Hulk writer Greg Pak contends that Bruce Banner's mind influences the Hulk sufficiently that he subconsciously calculates the contingencies and guides the Hulk to avoid civilian casualties. Consequently, according to Pak, unless the Hulk has been controlled by outside forces, or Banner's mind has been removed, no one has ever died from any of the Hulk's rampages.


And....


2. Fellow comics blogger Brian Snell contends that Pak's contention is complete horse hockey.


Which one is right? Well, in the course of my quarter bin diving, I may have at long last resolved this argument by unearthing a crucial piece of evidence, with the help of.....Hostess Fruit Pies!


Ladies and gentlemen, I give you:








These guys are terrorizing the town? Seriously??? They look like they could be taken out by two guys with a really long rope.


People, there are plenty of neighborhoods here in Chicago where we WISH this was the extent of the gang problem.




They can't buy Hostess Fruit Pies? The horror! THE HORROR!




"You punks stay off Hulk's lawn!"


Ok, now let's watch how Bruce Banner's brilliant subconscious mind works to calculate the complex mathematics and spare human lives...




....by rolling them up inside a ton of asphalt, thus either killing them by crushing their bodies and/or suffocating them, or crippling them for life. (And I don't even want to think about Yellow Shirt's spine there!)


Not only that, but in the next panel he's also sitting on the Asphalt Ding-Dong Roll Of Death (clever product placement there, Hostess!), thereby adding another 1,040 pounds (look it up!) to its already-crushing weight.


Not that it matters to the little pie junkies over there...




"Now we can get all the Hostess Fruit Pies we want!" Another victory for Type 2 Diabetes! Yay!




"Why can't humans be nice", Jade-Jaws? Dude, you just stone-cold killed and crippled a bunch of guys just for playing their radios too loud!


Sorry, Greg Pak, but I'm afraid I have to side with Snell on this one.

7 Comments:

At 7:47 PM , Blogger snell said...

A) I think the Hostess ads are slightly non-canonical

B) Of course, in the Marvel Universe, all asphalt is made of unstable molociles (to better facilitate repairs from the many battles), which enables the plunks to breathe through it.

 
At 10:58 PM , Blogger notintheface said...

You mean Impercepto, June Jitsu, Monotony Man, Ben Grimm fighting a living building, and the space-hillbillies invading Asgard WEREN'T part of 616 Marvel?

SAY IT AIN'T SO!!!

 
At 10:29 AM , Blogger SallyP said...

I can tell you one thing, the guys who have to fix that giant hole in the road are going to need more than Hostess snacks to soothe their rage.

 
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