Friday Night Fights: Bad GIRLS! - Round 9: Green-Eyed Lady!



For the latest round of Friday Night Fights: Bad Boys, I'm focusing on one of DC's greatest bad girls. After all, who says a "Villainous Victory" can't also be a Villainess Victory?

Tonight, we shift gears from Emerald Gladiators to the Fatal Five's own Emerald Empress, aka Sarya of Venegar, who's been one of my favorite Legion villains since the late 70's.

What's not to love about the Empress? She's got the right air of royalty combined with a delightfully nasty personality. Best of all, her weapon of choice is essentially a Green Lantern ring in giant disembodied eyeball form.

I like her appearances better when she's going solo or leading her own version of the Fatal Five than when she's with the original Five, where she gets pushed into the background, which is a shame because most of the other members are just not that impressive. Sure, Validus is also wicked awesome, but after him the drop in quality is quite steep. I mean, really, Mano????


The following scene is from Legion of Super-Heroes#305, by the 80's team supreme of Paul Levitz, Keith Giffen, and Larry Mahlstedt. The Empress has lured Legion members to Weber's World, where she has trapped them and taken them prisoner.

This is how the Emerald Empress greets her "guests":

For some of Spacebooger's hospitality, just pop over to the site listed below and vote for your favorite fight.

Friday Night Fights: Bad Boys - Round 8: When Parallax Attacks!

Welcome to Friday Night Fights: Bad Boys - Round 8, the final leg of my Hal Jordan Trilogy. Mr. Jordan's gotten knocked around pretty good the last two rounds , so for Round 8 I thought I'd let Our Pal Hal deliver the beatdown instead. But wait, you say, isn't "Bad Boys" dedicated to the villains triumphing over our heroes? And isn't Hal Jordan a hero?

Yes, he is...as Green Lantern.

But not as this guy....

...PARALLAX!

Tonight's emerald brawl comes from Green Lantern#63, "The Parallax View", written by Ron Marz and drawn by Darryl Banks and Romeo Tanghal. Synopsis: Hal has survived the destruction of Oa and wants his GL ring back. Kyle Rayner, the current GL at the time of this story, doesn't want to give it to him:

The battle spills out into the city...

Kyle gets a good shot on Hal, and it looks like he may have won, but...

Right now, you may be wondring how Kyle's going to get out of this one.

Answer: He's not.

And down goes Kyle!!

But while Parallax may be able to take down Kyle, Spacebooger could still give him an emerald ass-whooping.

Some words of advice for John Mayer


Recently, John Mayer ran into a little bit of trouble over his recent Playboy interview. So, in the interest of public service, I'd like to offer the troubled troubador some valuable advice:

John,

Sorry about your recent Playboy hassles. However, I think I know how to avoid such verbal missteps in the future. And it all can be summed up in one sentence.

This single sentence is the key. Write it down. Memorize it. Make it your personal mantra. And if you ever get the urge to utter something you think is provocative or witty, keep this one sentence in the back of your mind:

I am not Chris Rock.

Those five little words will keep you out of a heap of trouble, my friend. I read some excerpts from your interview, and it sounded like you were trying really hard to sound like Chris Rock.

Don't.

Chris Rock is one of the funniest men alive. He is a professional comedian. He has spent at least 20 years paying his dues and honing his craft. He has learned what works and what doesn't.

You, sir, are no Chris Rock.

Not only is Rock extremely funny and clever, he is also one other thing that you are not: Black.

That means he has considerably more leeway in the dropping of the "N-bomb" than someone like you or I could ever dream of having. And rightfully so.

You don't see Chris Rock strapping on an accoustic guitar and trying to be a sensitive lite-rock crooner, do you? Of course not. So follow his example.

And remember these words:

I am not Chris Rock.

Live by them.

And by the way, that "Fathers be good to your daughters" song? Sucks.

Sincerely,

Notintheface

A Special Valentine To Mrs. NITF!

(Special thanks to Chris!)

Friday Night Fights: Bad Boys - Round 7: Long Distance Connection!

Round 7 of Friday Night Fights: Bad Boys features some hydraulic-powered Hal Jordan head injury hijinks, courtesy of Green Lantern#54, "Menace In The Iron Lung", by John Broome and Gil Kane. This precursor to Aaron Stack shown below is this week's Villain Victorious, the Missile-Man, who demonstrates the long arm of the lawless on our hapless Emerald Gladiator:

Spacebooger knows the value of a long reach.

Friday Night Fights: Bad Boys - Round 6: Wall Of Sound!

It's hard to believe, but we've already gone 5 rounds into Friday Night Fights: Bad Boys, whose rounds are dedicated exclusively to the bad guys beating up on our heroes, without any sign of a Hal Jordan head injury.

I'm rectifying this little oversight in Round 6, courtesy of Green Lantern#14, written by John Broome and drawn by Gil Kane and Joe Giella. The gentleman in the bad Michael Jackson outfit is tonight's victorious villain, Sonar, who takes down our Emerald Gladiator with his own personal wall of sound.

Eat your heart out, Phil Spector!